A Mother's Love

Something happens when you become a mother for the first time. Not only does your whole world change, but your whole view of the world changes right along with it. I use to always hear the term, 'motherly instinct' and just figured that it was just a saying... until I experienced it.

I was never all that great with children or babies. I thought they were cute enough, sure. But if you would have ever asked me to hold a baby.. I probably would've held it like a football. Actually, I did once. I looked to my friend while holding this child, "Am I holding him right?". 

She looked at me trying to hold back her giggling, "Um, are you comfortable?"

"No." I replied.

She just smiled back and said, "Then he's probably not comfortable either."

To be completely honest, children made me uncomfortable. I didn't know how to deal with them, I didn't know how to talk to them, I didn't know anything. And you are right to assume that I didn't babysit much. I could count all the times I did on one hand alone.

But I knew I wanted a family. I knew it as early as I can remember. I remember thinking to myself when I was very young, "Okay, now remember how you feel so you can relate to your own children when you get older."

When I first found out I was pregnant with Jack, I was so excited. Even though I had no clue what I was getting myself into. Then the craziest thing happened when he was born.. it was like everything fell into place. It was as if I had known what to do all along. This was probably what people were referring to as, 'motherly instinct'.

Now don't get me wrong, I make plenty of mistakes. But my role as a mother now makes me view the world in a different light than I did before. If I hear about anything bad happening to a child, it physically hurts me. I mean, I was sad before, but this is different. What changes in a mother's body after she gives birth?

Even when your nurse a baby, what happens in a mother's brain to experience the 'let down' of her breastmilk? Why does a baby's smile have the same affect on a mother's brain as cocaine? Why even after we are tired, beat up, sleep deprived, and weak.. we still have a hard time being away from our children for more than a few hours? It's like there is some kind of force that is pulling me back to them.

I can go on wondering about all these unexplained things.. but I do know this~ each and every one of my children is a blessing. Every child in this world is a blessing. This world, my life, wouldn't be the same without them. I am thankful to be able to experience this unexplainable phenomenon that is motherhood.

 "Mothers are endowed with a love that is unlike any other love on the face of the earth." -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

They grow up so fast. Enjoy the sticky fingers and sweet spirits of your little people. Sometimes just getting down on the ground and enjoying their imagination, seeing their smiles toward you, make everything in the world perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I am writing this post, my two oldest boys are playing hide and seek. Blake came and hid under a blanket on the couch. Jack was being sweet and looking in random places saying, "Hmmm.. are you in the dog kennel? Are you around the corner...?"

And then I hear this soft voice from under the blanket, " I under ban-ket."

haha! He may not have the whole hide and seek thing down yet, but they still are thoroughly enjoying themselves  :) !

Unexpected things

Life is full of unexpected surprises. But when they happen, we can still seemed shocked that they happened to us. Sometimes we were never fully prepared for what took place.. leaving us in shock or disbelief.

The one good thing about these experiences, whether good or bad, is that they help us reflect on our lives - and hopefully help us realize what is most important. They help us prepare for future unexpected occurrences, and help us internalize the bigger picture of everything.

This past week two things happened. My Aunt passed away, and our car was rear-ended leaving $1800 of damage to my car. Things happen so fast. Loved ones are lost, others can be injured, lives can change in an instant.

My Aunt was only 50 years old. She had 3 children, two of which were still in High School. She had cancer, but fought with everything she could. One of the saddest things, was that both of her parents were there. My heart ached for everyone at that funeral.

As for my car.. it makes me more thankful we don't buy expensive cars, and don't tie ourselves down with car payments - because it helps me focus more on the big picture of everything. I felt worse for the gal that hit us more than anything. It was an accident, accidents happen - and she truly felt terrible. Luckily our boys weren't in the car (beside Tye, but his car seat didn't let him move much thankfully). Trent and I attained whiplash injuries that ached for days afterwards. So basically we got an awesome dent in my car -which makes for interesting stories anways, and a life experience to show you how fast life can happen.

On a lighter note, this created a chance for my mom and dad to fly to Utah for a few days.. and like always the boys were excited to see "California Grandma"! They had a lot of fun doing crafts with Grandma :)

Also.. Trent and I got some toys to play these past few weeks! Trent got a 4 wheeler, and he and the boys have been cruising around behind our house for the last week. And as for me, I got my own aerial silk! YAY. I use it in garage as of now, but on warm days it will be fun to hang it from a high tree in the park :)

- I also just wanted to add that my boys are lucky to have 3 such great Grandmas!

This is Blake's drawing of me!

Jack's car of him and his brothers in a car!

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking the kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here, and that I really lived."

~ Marjorie Pay Hinckley

6 months

Tyler turned 6 months old! He sure is a fun little guy to have around. If you meet him for the first time you would assume he is quite serious. He always has that kind of look on his face, haha. He is completely a 'Daddy's boy' and smiles whenever Trent is around. Maybe it's because he is a hidden thrill seeker and loves when his daddy balances him up high or throws him up in the air. Either way, they have a special bond.

Jack and Blake can't seem to get enough of him either, always saying things like, "Ahhh bah bah bah, do be do be doo!" and getting about 2 inches from his face. They are also very protective of him.. welcoming him exclusively into their pack :)

He can sit up, turn himself in circles with his arms, roll everywhere and loves to hear himself talk.

He is eating rice cereal, and banana's as of now - but more is on the horizon. He hasn't been sleeping the best the last few weeks, and I am not sure as of why. I know he is teething, so maybe that's part of it. (Oh, and apparently last time I said he was teething, I was WAY off. haha) I forgot that each time my kids get teeth their cheeks turn bright red! He now has 2 teeth on the bottom!! And boy those suckers are sharp! I sure love my chubby baby.

JACK @ 6 months ~ (21 lbs 5oz 95%) (28.7 inches long 98%)
BLAKE @ 6 months ~ (17 lbs 10oz 55%) (26.5 inches long 50%)
TYLER @ 6 months ~ (20 lbs 1 oz 90%) (27.9 inches long 92%)